Beating out Hillary Duff, Kourtney Kardashian and Bristol Palin, Jessica Simpson won the Teen Choice Award for Best MILF last night. Nobody is certain how the award is selected, but voter Jimmy Moore, 14, weighed in on why Simpson got his vote. ”I keep a little chart beside my bed next to my spank sock,” said Jimmy.
“A month before the awards I make a mark next to every star I rub one out to. And even though Jessica Simpson’s fat and super old, she still came out on top with 58 marks.”Simpson was glowing with sweat in a Dolce and Gabanna moomoo as she addressed the prepubescent crowd.
“I want you to know that I don’t take you all for granted. I’d breast feed every last one of you if I could. And though your eyes may tell you differently, I really can’t.”Last year’s winner Britney Spears did not go home empty handed as she took the coveted CABIN (Crazy Ass Bitch I’d Nail) Award.